i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
