So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
