I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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