she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
