I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
