Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
