just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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