SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
