it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The uberlube is also flammable
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
