im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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