how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
