he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize