broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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