My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
being pregnant is like rehab
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
