You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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