i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
