FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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