I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
