This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
