I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
