I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
