I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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