It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
