You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
