either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
