I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
