Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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