My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
