Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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