She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
