come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
