Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
