My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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