Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
