just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
