Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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