You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize