Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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