before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
