It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
