The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
