i don't like sucking hair
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize