just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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