So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
