Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
