So drunk its hurt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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