I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
