We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
