Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
