Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it because I queefed?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
