her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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