I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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