Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
