Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
