She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize