So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
