So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
