cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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