In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
