On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
