Me. At least after what I've been through.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
