Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
