a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
