Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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