I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
