And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize