His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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