i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
