WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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