Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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