Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
