Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize