So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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