Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
