Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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