everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my shit smells like andre
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
