i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
