My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i dont even know how to be here
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
